I hate it!

Kahit na enjoy ako sa swimming di pa rin talaga mawala sa isip ko si Larry. Ngayon ko na na-fefeel that i was really in hell. I mean the feeling kase.. ang hirap ng ganun.. Past 1pm na. I should've received a message from him na. but then wala pa rin. Kung di pa ko nagtxt hindi sya magttxt. Na receive ko yung message nya na day off daw nya ngayon at wag daw ako magttxt kase baka mabasa nung "isa". Ang hirap ng ganung situasyon. Pero okay na rin kase at least nagtxt sya. Nawala na yung worry ko kahit papano. But i realized that i should not love him na yung kumpleto. It was so hard because masasaktan lang ako. Ayokong umasa but then the more na nagttxt sya or nakakausap ko sya, the more na minamahal ko sya. Bakit ganon? Takot talaga akong mag-fall sa guy completely. When i feel like i'm gonna fall for that guy na--i mean, yung kapag nararamdaman ko na na minamahal ko na sya, all of a sudden, nag-aadjust ako na hidni pang matagalan yung relasyon. Ineexpect ko na mag-eend din yon soon so that if that time comes, hindi na masakit. basta, its up to you, reader on how will you see my style sa relasyon. So naisip ko na kelangan ganun yung mangyari. I should cansel some of our dates para mas okay. Para hindi ako mag fafall sa kanya completely. PAra pwedeng pwede na akong makipaghiwalay sa kanya or sya nang hindi ako masasaktan. I haven't experiences the pain na mararanasan pag mahal mo na talaga yung isng tao tapos all of a sudden, you need to separate your way with him. Ganito pa nga lang na hindi nya ko tinetext, masakit na, what more pa kaya yung ganun. So hindi nyo ko masisisi kung bakit ganun din pamantayan ko sa relasyon.. kase nga he already have a family and yung pagpunta n lang namin sa states yung last chance para we can be together nang hindi nagtatago. Ayon.. ganun na lang lang.. pipigilan kong mas mag-bloom pa yung feelings ko with Larry.....

Kaya pa!!

Kaya pa talaga!

I was wrong.. sorry...

Ayun, halos kakadating ko lang dito sa haus. Well,, about dun sa inaangal kong swimming.. Masaya.. Promise di ako nagbibiro. It was really fun. I'm not minding Oreo and Magic naman eh.

Dumating ako sa school past 7:30 na yata or before 8am. I already prepared my self that it will be a big disaster!!! After all, yun naman talaga ang ineexpect ko and i told myself that i'm not gonna swin kase nga i thought that it will be boring knowing na eeksena nanaman si Oreo at Magic! Pagpasok ko sa pinto ng school, naningil na agad! Haayyzz... Its so hard to let go of my money. Sarap pa namang mag Latte ngayon sa Seattle. Anyway, 350 is still 350 and dun nakasalalay finals ko. Inisip ko na lang na hindi ako nagkaroon ng ganung halaga. Medyo nairita pa ako nun kase nag pa late na nga ako tapos yun pala matagal pang aalis! Ang usapan talaga is 7:00 am alis na ng School pero 7:30 wala pa sa kalahati mga tao don! Diba kaasar?! So ayon, before umalis, nagdecide kami ni Bestfriend na bumili muna ng snacks sa canteen. Saklap kase ang mahal ng foods sa cafeteria! Isa pa yan eh! SO... munch muna and then as usual, CR., Ang nakakagulat pa, nakita namin yung mga masscom students na nasa school namin. SIla yung finacilitate namin nung nightcamp'07 in Baste Manila. And then, there comes Sir Gando.. Hehehe... After talking to him naisip ko na lang how i miss everyone na wala na sa SSC-r canlubang. But then, everything must go on and Change! totoo yon, kahit ano pwedeng magbago, kahit panahon. Sp tinawag na kami para sumakay na ng L3 van. Ayun di na kasya. Eh pano kase, sa pang sosyal na starex lang beauty namin ni Mirai!! hahaha... So we waited until dumating si JC.. Puro boys kasama namin ni Mirai, pero hindi ka out of place kase nga mababait naman sila at ka batch din namin! AJA! AT syempre wala dun si Oreo at Magic! I guess pag nakasama kami sa L3 nakasimangot nanaman kami ni Mirai!

So pagdating sa resort, okay naman, nagsandwich muna and then nagswim. Ang sayan talaga! Kala ko magiging boring ang lahat. Pero hindi. Sobrang nag enjoy talaga kami, at syempre ako. Ang ganda pa ng view kase ang cute ng koreanong nakita ko. Mukhang tourist lang pero yun pala yung owner ng resort. hahaha... So need na naming magswim para ma grade-an na kami ni Sir.. Pero ako, di nakatagal kase natakot ako. Hahaha ang duwag ko talaga.. Si Mirai naman umiyak kase natatakot din. So okay naman lahat.. Natapos final exam namin ng ganun--kasaya! So may isang umeksena pero obviously,out of place talaga! Hahah kawawa.. if i were that student hindi na lang ako aatend ng PE since all of my classmates doesn't like me to join! Ouch! But then, hindi ako yung student na yon eh! Hahaha Pero kawawa sya ha! In fairness sila *ano* lang kasama nya at kame, hindi namin sya pinapansin--parang hangin lang sya! So ayun, lunchtime--foodtrip again! Di ko na-appreciate yung leche flan kase hindi na malamig. Almost "yucky" na. Hahaha So before umuwi, syempre hindi kelangang mawala yung picture picture! It's time for our trademark pose--- peace sign! hahaha Laging may peace sign eh! Kelangan talaga hindi mawala yun at walang gagaya!!!

SO Hanggang pag-uwi namin tine-treasure ko yung day na yon. Ang lungkot lang kase end na ng PE 3 namin. But then, hindi namin makakalimutan si SIr.. Promise nya samin hindi nya daw kame ibabagsak! Wow naman! Of course sayang ang 350 eh! hehehe...

So that was our final exam and hopefully not our last outing.. waahh drama!!!

nightmare--- BUKAS!!!

I am so mad right now!!! why do they need to insist na matuloy yon?? If not for the finals di ako sisipot talaga! Much better sana kung pioneers lang... eh may mga echepuera eh! You can't blame me kase nga i don't feel them.. Haayyzz... Hirap kase makipagplastikan eh. Bangungot nanaman talaga bukas..Kakawalang ganang mag blog ngayon.. Init ulo ko la ko pera sem break na kasi eh... Palimos naman!!

survey!! nakakaloka!

Profile Survey

Write down what you see, hear, and are thinking..


1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
i want you to believe in me all ways and not listen to those who would have youbelieved that i want to have sex with you. (hahaha!! hanneepp!!)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What's there?
calendar!

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
news

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
8:45??

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
9:20 hahaha

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
yung TV

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
kanina, nagpaload

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
MY BLOG

9. What are you wearing?
black shirt and red skirt--- very gothic

10. Did you dream last night?
oo

11. When did you last laugh?
kanina lang

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
crossstitch

13. Seen anything weird lately?
nuh...

14. What do you think of this quiz?
napapaisip ako... hehe

15. What is the last film you saw?
amnu ba yan! nakalimutan ko na eh

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
condo unit! pero di dapat malaman ng parents ko.. haha

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
i tend to do stupid things sometimes

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
gawing first world country ang pinas!! AJA!!!

19. Do you like to dance?
noh...

20. George Bush:
GMA!!!! hahaha

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
samantha

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Larry!! hahah ayos!

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
oo naman!! KOREA!!! AJA!

24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
---


Find this survey and others at www.NackVision.com

The A to Z Survey

1. A is for age: 18

2. B is for beer of choice:sanmig

3. C is for career right now:student

4. D is for your dog's name? 888

5. E is for essential item you use everyday:

6. F is for favorite TV show at the moment: pops in seoul

7. G is for favorite game: basketball

8. H is for Home town:

9. I is for instruments you play:

10. J is for favorite juice: orange

11. K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: kay OREO!!!

12. L is for last place you ate: twinbee hehehe

13. M is for marriage: not now...

14. N is for your full name: di pede

15. O is for overnight hospital stays: 6

16. P is for people you were with today: alone

17. Q is for quote:

18. R is for Biggest Regret: yung ipagkatiwala yung secrets ko kay OREO!

19. S is for status: IT\"S COMPLICATED __ HEHE

20. T is for time you woke up today: 6:00 am

21. U is for underwear you have on now: hahaha

22. V is for vegetable you love: cabbage tapos gagawing kimchi!

23. W is for worst habit:

24. X is for x-rays you've had: ewan!

25. Y is for yummy food you ate today: crinkles ba yun?

26. Z is for the zodiac sign: aquarius


Find this survey and others at www.NackVision.com

Final exam

Yeah final exam! Duh! Hindi nga ako kinakabahan honestly... yung natsci hindi ko talaga sineryoso! Grabe piyat ako kakaupdate ng friendster and ng blog! hehehe.. tapos ngayon, eto nanaman ako, nakatungannga sa computer naglalabas ng sama ng loob.
Kanina,ayan nanaman, nangingibabaw nanaman ang bunganga ni Oreo. How i wish lumayas na sya sa school soon! She's really getting into my nerve na. I don't really like her! Tsk! kakabadtrip talaga ng araw kapag sya yung nakikita ko, chismis nanaman besides, she's fond of asking private questions na hindi naman nya dapat tinatanong. Although accidentally, she got to know my other secrets, bakit kelangan lahat alamin nya! Bullshit! Laking gulo pag sya nasa school eh! Bestfriend ko nga asar na asar na sa kanya eh. Hindi ba nya nahahalata yon? Iwas na kami sa knya kase we know nw baka gulo nanaman. Tangina hirap na pinaglaruan kami eh. Of all, ayoko ng ganon. Papatulong-tulong sya, sya naman matigas ang ulo! Eh di gago nga! Well sorry for those words... It's just my way of releasing my anger. Kakainis eh! Final exams na namin, sana naman by next sem, wag na sya sa school. That's also the disadvantage kapag bago ang school eh. Haayyy bbuuhhaayyy!!! Hirap talaga umiwas kapag minamalas ka nga nama oh! Ang masama pa nyan, ang ganda ng image nya sa iba. Pucha doble kara eh! Hirap talaga pag magaling umarte! I admit marunong din ako umarte noh pero naman! Hindi yan ginagamit sa totong buhay! she's not even part of the drama club! Besides, i'm not gonna recruit her! Duh! Hanggang tapang lang naman sya eh. I remember sa ConAss namin, the nerve of her na sabihin samin yung mga concerns nya but then, uring the assembly, she can't even say a single word na pinuputak nya kanina samin! See? nasan ang tapang nya? At least ako, nasa lugar kung magwala man ako! Hindi kagaya nya--she' just showing to others na matapang sya pero deep inside takot naman!
Biggest regret ever is when i told her about my boyfriend! Kelangan magpakaanghel ako sa harap nya! OO na, plastik na, pero i don't have a choice eh. She's the type of person na talaga ilalabas lahat ng yan pag nagkagali galit na! I know i can't trust her! My gosh bakit ba hindi ko ginagamit ang utak ko! Ang plano ko ngayon is to tewll her na wala na kami ni Larry, para tapos ang usapan. Never na maiuungkat p yon hoperfully. Pero ewan pa rin! Sa wsobrang uhaw nyan sa chismis pag umaga pati yung pinaka personal kelangan pa nyang halungkatin st sya din, kelangan pa hyang i mention yung ka dramahan ng buhay nya na wla namang akong paki! I don't care about her, but she's really getting into my nerves na! hhhaaahh... i really hate her!

Mahirap maging kabit

Yeah, mahirap talaga.. Pero don't ever suggest na ihinto ko ang relasyon ko with him because i'm not gonna do it! Unless sya ang mang-iwan, i have nothing more to do but to let him go. Ayoko namang ipagpilitan sarili ko sa kanya. Honestly, tatlo ang boyfriend ko, pero sya ang pinakamhal ko. Sinasabi nila na baka makarma ako sa ginagawa ko, but mind you, sobra pa sa karma yung nararanasan ko bilang 'other woman'. Mahirap din i admit sa sarili ko na ganun ang posisyon ko sabuhay nya dahil lalong bumababa ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. Ganun na nnga ang nangyayari, then why can't i leave him? Simple lang, mahal ko sya.. Sa kanya ko lang naramdaman yung care ng isang boyfriend.. sa kanya ko lang naramdaman na mahalaga ako. Sa kanya ko lang naramdaman na special ako.. How? simple lang, ramdam ko eh. Hindi nya ako sinasaktan unlike what my past relationships have done. TOTOO... I've been abused and physically molested. But then, when i met him, nawala lahat ng pain na naramdaman ko sa past relationships ko. You can't blame me, right? You can't blame me for loving him. I dont really care what others would think. Hindi ako nabubuhay para saknila. Okay, judge me... Fine! Wala akong magagawa dun! Pero isipin nyo rin kung sa inyo mangyari yung ganito, kaaawaan nyo rin ang sarili nyo.

What i want to tell others is that, don't judge other persons. Hindi lahat ng kabit, pera ang habol. Me, i don't need money. Nakakapagaral ako.. Kayang kaya akong tustusan pa ng parents ko. I can get whatever i wanted. Maluho ako! So hindi ko na kailangan ng pera ng ibang tao. Nagmamahal lang talaga ako.

Kahit mahirap, kahit masakit, kinakaya ko..

Kaya ko pa...

continuation....

...

so ayun nga, nag date na kami ni Larry..it was our first date ever! Ang saya talaga! pagsakay namain ng taxi hanggang pagpasoknamin doon sa victoria court sobrang alalay nya ko.. Ang saya ko talaga. Bakit ganon,mali talaga yung sa kanya ko maramdaman yung ganon..but thenwhy is it na kelangang sya pa? The fact na may "iba" sya at hindi kamepwedeng makita ng whoever na nakakakilala samin.Sa totoo lang, masakit.Pero sa point na bago palang kami magkita nag-expect na ko na masasaktan talaga and i should not take him seriously.i thought i could teach my heart na hindi ibigay sakanya ng buong buo yung loveko.Butthen all i can say is that, ang sarap nyang mahalin. Pero ang sakit talaga. Masaya yung feeling na nagtatago,mas may thrill. Actually, matagalko nang gustoyung unique kind of relationship pero i don't expect na magiging ganito ka complicated and so on...

problema nanaman....

this is about my lovelife...

uhm well, let's just call him "Larry"..
siguro i'll start na lang kung pano ko sya nakilala..

it was thru text nagtext sya sakin telling me that i have sent a wrong message and so on.. so dun nagstart ang lahat...

he told me everything about himself, that he's already married but separated and then may ka live in sya now... He's from Calamba and he's working in a Hotel. He told me na Larry yung name nya but i found out later na hindi pala. Later ko na lang i meantion how i got to know na hindi yun ang real name nya. I understand him naman why he told me wrong infos about him kase nga para hindi ko alamin kung talagang taga saan sya and kung ano ano pa.

Napag-usapan lang namin before na hanggang FB lang kame, or (F**K buddy) pero soon na inlove ako sa kanya and sya din sakin so naging kami.. pero before naging kami, hindi pa kami nagkikita nun. And then, after 2 or more months of texting, nagkita din kami dun sa may bus stop. Kala ko hindi nya ko magugustuhan, pero pagsakay namin sa bus, sweet na kami... Ang saya ko.. as in super saya! Unang date namin nun,. sa victoria court sa may LRT yata.. i'm not familiar kase sa name ng location..

to be continued...

i dont wanna luz him!

Oh my.. i don't wanna feel this way... i can't really explain how i feel... bakit sa iba mabilis mawala yung feelings ko but then sa kanya, until now, mahal ko pa rin sya... i love him so much to let go..

kabit tawag sakin... mahirap tanggapin pero totoo,,,

sakit talaga....

mahl ko sya eh....


mahal na mahal..

post sa friendster

i dont know what to say...
sorry....
can't go on without him talaga...
alam ko na yung lahat pero nothing has changed...
mahirap tanggapin yung ganun eh.. such a small world...
Nung nakita ko sya, sya pa mismo yung sumalubong samin.. katabi ko si MIRAI but then ramdam nyang nanghina ako nung nakita ko si Larry dun...
Ako yung mas na surprise kase alam na pala nya yung lahat. Buti na lang may upuan sa dulo, nakaupo agad ako kundi baka pati yung phone ko nabitawan ko pa...
Pakirtamdaman lang naman kami nung nandun kami.. Di ako makatingin, di rin sya makatingin... PAKIRAMDAMAN LANG...
Lakas pa ng lob mag pa miss call...
"Uwi na po kami" hindi pwedeng hindi nya malaman eh...
nakatingin pa! Kakainis! eh nandun c **** ndi kaya pwedeng malaman!!!
Alam ni mirai at alam din ng iba eh...
Confused pa rin ako nung nakasakay na ko ng jeep.. Lagi kong tinatanong si Mirai kung totoo ba tyalaga na nangyayari yun... Hindi rin nya alam yung isasagot nya.. Pero parehas kami... we proved na maliit lng talaga yung mundo para samin!
pagkauwi ko tamang tama naman na tumawag sya... pero OK pa rin kami... OKAY na OKAY...
Pinagtatawanan lang nya yung mga nangyari pero HINDING hindi talaga yun dapat malaman ng iba pa lalong lalo na ni ********
sorry guys hah.. HINDI PA RIN TALAGA TAPOS!
HINDI AKO MAG-IINGAY KASE HINDI NAMAN TALAGA AKO GANUN! NEVER AKONG MAGSASALITA... NEVER TALAGA..
ALAM KO NAKAKASIRA NA NG PAMILYA TO, PERO KAHIT AKO BROKEN NA RIN SA NAGAWA KO, AT PATULOY KONG GINAGAWA...
Sorry sa mga nasaktan at masasaktan pa.... pero sa kanya na rin nanggaling na ' we should continue".......
SA STATES.... DUN LANG PWEDE... TAGO PA RIN KAMI SA PINAS.... MAGTATAGO PA RIN KAMI SA PINAS....
PERO MALAPIT NA YUN...
hindi ko kelangan ng support nyo....
pero sana naiintindihan nyo ko..
HINDI AKO NAGREREBELDE....
"SARANG" LANG TALAGA YUNG NARARAMDAMAN KOH..
guys... sorry...
again, sorry sa mga nasaktan at masasaktan pa..
thanks bestfriend...